part 11 …….
The thing about hope is, it is always there. Just within reach whether we want it or not. Everyone hopes. We hope for good weather and we hope for a great day, we hope for so many things. But, to me, real true hope is not wishing. It goes so much deeper than a wish. Hope is solid. Hope is strong. Hope is tangible. Hope is spiritual. Hope is just plain real.
I use the title Prisoner of Hope. It is taken from scripture – God says, “Return to your stronghold, O prisoners of hope; today I declare that I will restore to you double.” Zechariah 9:12 I am not a bible scholar, at all. I just know that this passage speaks deeply to my heart. I know that I feel comforted when I read it. There are many “prisons” in life, in our hearts. And when God can tell me that I am a prisoner of hope – well, what a glorious prison! I see a cell with no walls. I see freedom. I personally believe that this hope and freedom only comes from him.
It’s because of that hope that I know we will see our daughter, sister, friend again in eternity. Does it ease the pain of loss? Yes, but it still hurts. But I have hope.
A dear friend, who I will call “J” in this post, recently wrote to me. She was like a sister to our daughter. Therefore, another daughter to us. Needless to say, the loss of Vanessa was difficult for J. But I read the most beautiful words in her letter to me. They speak of another person’s journey of grief and loss and pain. But I saw beauty in these words:
“Grief over Vanessa has been put on a distant shelf and I have not gone there. I even avoid pictures, not conscientiously, but I do. Yet I dream about her a lot. It breaks into my mind and feelings whether I choose it or not. In the few days since I received your package I have thought and remembered a lot and have been surprised at the amount of emotions that have come out. I realized I have been robbing myself of the beauty of grief. It sounds weird, but grief in this last week has not been terrible, but beautiful. There is hope in it and sweet memories. Yes, I miss Vanessa and tears flow as soon as I think of her, but it is sweet right now.”
J put it so sweetly and clearly. The pain and the beauty – when you have hope.
to be continued …….