It’s that time of year where the colors outside are slim pickins. So here is a glimpse of texture from my own backyard.
Oh. And a really cute dog named Teddy Roosevelt.
I’ve had a bit of alone time the past couple of weeks. That means more time to hear my thoughts and my heart.
Those times when you reflect on things. The future is one I like to reflect on. Dreams. Goals. The thoughts bounce up and down and back and forth.
I had a strange dream the other night that caused me to reflect about how I see myself. In the dream I was in a room with a large mirror, waiting in line. I saw myself in the reflection of the mirror but my eyes were closed, so I really didn’t see myself. I saw, as the observer view in my dream, a reflection that I thought was me but not quite.
Then, a friend of mine was in line with me and wanted to take a selfie of us both. I saw her fumbling with her phone to turn the camera around. I kept posing with her but she wasn’t’t ready. Then, when she saw herself on the phone screen I moved in for the selfie but didn’t appear. I moved closer. Then – in real life – my phone rang and I was awakened from the dream.
This caused me to reflect over my morning coffee. Have I ever seen myself in my dreams?
I know I have seen me from the observing view. That view of how I look in the role I was in the dream. But I realized I have never, to my recollection, seen myself in my dreams of how I really look. I see others clearly, but not myself.
I confess, I do not think highly of my looks. It has been a life-long battle. Some days I feel I have conquered the negative thoughts and some not an inch.
The dream was convicting. As a woman who hangs out with The Father, Son and Holy Spirit as much as I can, how dare I not think myself a beautiful reflection of the One who made me?
There is beauty all around me. We are included in that beauty. How do you see yourself? Or how do you see the things you do? Are you always critical of yourself?
You are beautiful. From one of my favorite books – You are kind, You are smart, You are important. (The Help)
Reflect on that.
Fall is in full swing here in The Middle. The colors this year are not as brilliant as the last few years. Sad. But it still smells great out there and leaves are falling and air is fresh and cool.
Enjoy this Season!
Today I was sitting in my friends business having a wonderful time catching up and sipping coffee. They have a Quilt Shop. They sell all the supplies you need to make your own quilts from material and threads to the machines that assist you. There is an atmosphere of peace there.
I love businesses that bring out the creativity in people. I always get inspired without anyone saying anything to me. Even home improvement stores do that to me. But I am one to not always succumb to the long arms of creativity that reach out and taunt you until you say yes to their biddings. Then, before you know it, the tentacles grab you and lure you to buy all the supplies you need to make the perfect item you see displayed in all its finished glory before you.
I’m being funny here. I have learned my limitations of talents and abilities in the crafts department. And that is why I can say no to the taunts. I still get tempted but manage to pull away just in time. Quilting is beautiful and I love to cuddle under a lovely quilt……that someone else made. I lack patience in such a project. Maybe some day.
When my husband and I left the store we decided to take the country route home. It’s pretty brown here and gray in the winter months. But I noticed this barn with a “quilt” painted on the front:
My mind wandered from that point on. While with our friends we talked about seasons. How cold the mid-west winters are and how we long to be on a beach in a tropical paradise during those days.
We talked how the seasons in nature are similar to the seasons of our lives. I’ll tell you what I mean.
There is a purpose for winter. A time to die and lay hidden to bring forth life when the time to right. Sometimes those hidden things can never come forth or come forth stunted if they do not pass through the cold winter season.
Spring. New life. New colors. New blossoms. Multiplied beauty from the last year. Fresh and warm and welcomed.
Summer. Fun! Enjoyment of the fruits of a long cold winter. The fruits of spring rains and melting snow.
Autumn. The beauty of life slowing and changing into glorious colors once more before the frosty winds take over and put the seeds to sleep for another season of dying only to bring forth life once again.
As far as my life goes, my heart issues, I thought long and hard on this and still am. How often I, Cate B, reflect on the warmth of summer. How often I want the winter of my life to be finished and brought into spring way faster than it feels like it’s happening. I want it now. But, why do I want that so much? What is my hurry?
Sometimes winter is painful. Sometimes I can feel frostbitten on the inside and want so much to be blossoming like a field of wild flowers. But the more I listened to my friend talk with us from his heart the more I felt that I need to not rush this winter season of my life. Or any season of the heart. I really do want all of what God has for me in this life on this earth. So if going through the “winter of my heart” is what will bring me out blooming beautiful then so be it. After all, several times I have told my Lord that I just want all He has for me. I gave Him permission to make me into the person I’m to be.
So I will keep layering my clothes to stay warm against the elements. I will prepare myself for the coming seasons so I can listen and receive all the dying and blooming on the inside that needs to be done. And I will gladly grab those warm surprise days that pop up now and then or the trip to the warmer climate for a week to help get me through. It is worth it. Being alive and aware and becoming me is so worth it.
Hey! If you were coming over today to visit with me I would offer you a fresh cup of coffee – or tea – in a Pioneer Woman Mug – and cut you a slice of warm Apple Pie….
After we stuffed ourselves we would probably talk about the weather. It sure was windy yesterday and warm for November. Much cooler today and more on track for our location.
The conversation begins to shift and I can share with you how things are getting much better here in The Burg for me. I really like it here. I don’t see too many people outside the home but that is changing. We spent some time with a friend who became a brother the other day. I saw a whole new side of him that I didn’t see as clearly before.
I love when that happens, don’t you? I’m a bit of an observer (not the kind in Fringe). I try really hard to listen to people as they talk. I tend to hear between the words – their hearts. Not always. It can be hard and a bit foggy at times. I know I can be a bit guarded. I don’t always want people to see too much. That’s not always good. It has to go two ways if you want deeper relationships. Step out on a limb, take a risk, let some walls down. Trust………
Ugh, there’s another one of those “get out of your comfort zone things“.
Another slice of pie? Can I warm your coffee?
I could tell you I am looking forward to Thanksgiving week. No kids to watch (as much as I love them), sleeping a little later, watching a holiday movie that doesn’t involve princesses, Tinker Bell or Octonauts. It will be a week of baking for the holiday. More pies, a cheesecake, some homemade rolls.
Back to relationships. They are so much harder these days than when I was younger. More people work outside the home. Computers and smart phones have become so much of our socializing. But this getting together in person and enjoying pie and coffee with the company of each other, is really a good thing. It’s a slow process to get to know each other. Looking for our similar likes and dislikes. That just means that we need to do it again. Maybe Cinnamon Rolls next time!
If there is a next time. What do ya say? Am I worth it? Are you worth it? I say yes, you are worth getting to know. I hope you think I am………
Till next time…….. Enjoy!
This Autumn is so fresh and slightly crisp around The Burg. We get some color changes in the trees but really don’t have enough of those gorgeous Maple Trees that Vermont is famous for. But our trees still change and I love it.
Here are some snaps of our walk around Lions Lake this morning.
and a video of the geese…..