part 12 …….
I have a friend who loves to tell stories of hope. They’re the kind of stories where you could sit back and close your eyes and see yourself in your daddy’s lap, holding onto every word, feeling safe and secure. No matter how many times I hear his stories I get more out of them. I hear things I didn’t hear the last time I listened. I cry and I laugh.
One of his stories talks about perspective. At least, that’s what I get out of it. I think perspective is very much intertwined in life. I grew up in a home where the perspective was very negative. Because of that, I grew up thinking I was basically something other than I am today. In this hope story my friend talks about – well, I don’t want to spoil it for you so you need to go to: http://bobhartley.org/hope-videos/ and listen to Best View in Town.
When something throws a wrench in your life and suddenly you’re facing a crisis or a dilemma that you just don’t understand, at that very moment you have a choice. Well, that’s not very fair of me, actually. When you lose someone a lot goes through your head or you are very numb, or both. But once you get through the news of what happened and you get through the plans of burial and memorial or what have you, it is then that you make a choice. At least it was for me.
How will I go through life now, you wonder. We all have different personalities and different thought processes. Some, when they loose a loved one, get rid of all their stuff and reminders. Some keep everything as it was. And I’m sure there are countless other ways to deal with the hole in your life. I don’t think there is a right or a wrong way. For me, I knew I had to move forward as best as I could. I knew my daughter would have expected that. Her personality was one to never want any of us to not do what we were suppose to do because I something she did or something going on in her life. So that made it a little easier to pick ourselves up and move forward.
About perspective – I was thinking about my life, now that’s it’s been eight years since we lost Vanessa. I like puzzles and I like mysteries. But I like them to be completed and solved. I was thinking about how my life was like a jigsaw puzzle – I pictured all these pieces laid out on a table – some were put together and some waiting. But what I saw so far were black pieces. No color. I love colors – so to picture this was a bit un-nerving to me. I realized these black pieces were how I felt about the loss we have as a family. Life feels black sometimes. But then I saw that I only saw part of the puzzle. That God saw the whole puzzle – he has the “box” so to speak, with the completed picture of my life on it. He sees the end result. He has the “best view in town”. That is when I realized that hope has color. Hope has a view that is good and sees more than what is right in front of it. It’s not a which on a star – it’s a deep routed view of what our life truly is and can become. I want to always choose life and always choose hope. It is a daily choice for me. But it is colorful and I believe it is right.
I want to thank you for reading the last 12 “chapters” of my journey. I will continue to blog about ………. life. But the Prisoner of Hope series will be expanding and publishing as a book. I do invite you to continue reading my posts and join me in the book that is in process.
God bless you all in your journey of hope.