Prisoner of Hope – The ‘What Ifs’

part 7 …….

‘What If?’  That is one of the age-old questions isn’t it?  It can be comical when we go off into our imaginative worlds and day-dream of things if they were different:

What if there was an actual money tree?
What if bee’s produced butter?
What if yahoo was called yagoo?
What if 16 year olds could buy and drink alcohol?
What if we lost WWII?
What if the walls could talk?
What if the U.S. took over Canada and Mexico?
What if dogs had gills?
What if there were no what if questions?

As you can see from the list I found that most of those are not even to be considered or answered.  For example, what if bees produced butter?  Well then they would also produce milk and graze in fields probably and then maybe the cows would be our honey producers and our pollinators.  See what I mean?  No sense even going there except in a total imaginative way because it ain’t gonna happen.  What is, is.  Bees do not nor will they ever produce butter.

Now I suppose that if we lost in World War II our present day world, as we know it, would be vastly different.  Also, the one about the sixteen year olds legally buying and drinking alcohol, that goes without saying.  And I, for one, have a very imaginative mind.  But after all the thoughts have run through my head it comes down to one fact:  It isn’t that way – it is what it is.

I realize that doesn’t sound very hopeful does it?  I’m a believer of change.  I’ve known many people who heard the “word” from the doctor of their condition not being very hopeful, but when putting their energy and hope in prayer and other life changes and surrounding themselves with others who believe and stand with them – it can change from hopelessness to hope!  That is a wonderful thing.

I have that faith.  I have that hope.  When my daughter was taken from me in January of 2005 I just couldn’t bring myself to “entertain” those ‘what ifs’.  They came at me with a vengeance.  What if you told her to fly straight to Seattle and bypass going back to Southern California?  What if you had her stay longer visiting with you?  What if you called her and told her to get out of the house that day?  I just couldn’t go there.  She was gone and me entertaining those ‘what ifs’ did absolutely nothing to change what happened.  That is sad to me but a reality.  I know that if I focus on what could have been I get stuck in time.  It doesn’t speak life to me and we had enough of death.  We had to look to life at this point.

We all will go through a loss differently, our grief will be different from each others.  We just shouldn’t go into denial, we need to go  with the punches, so to speak.  Go with the wave of grief that I mentioned in a previous post.  I read the following on another WordPress blog –

“What ugly truths?  The ones that stalk every feeling person when a loved one passes the veil.  Guilt, selfishness, regret, anger, and even sorrow.  All necessary to the process of healing, but all the uglier side of loss.  After all, it is the living who feel the loss most.  Those passed on remember only the love we feel for them.”

I love that quote.  So true.  We, the left behind ones, hurt the most.  We feel the loss the most.  They left us knowing we loved them.  What a way to go.  Really.  It makes me feel very warm inside knowing my daughter knew we all loved her in this life.  She is fine and happy now.  We are here trying our best to go forward without her.  But, when you have faith and are anchored in hope you can see another perspective.  It’s only a passing moment of time until we see her again.

Know, dear reader, that I do not taking her passing lightly.  I do not think anyone should take a loss lightly.  It hurts.  We are only human, after all.  And as a human being, death is difficult.  I pray that as I write my experiences that someone will be touched by my words and build in them a great hope and faith that will carry them through their difficult time.

Cate B

Return to the stronghold, O prisoners who have the hope; This very day I am declaring that I will restore double to you.

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